Gunkville Journal - Arts
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Review

Priscilla Pontani
Showing in the gallery at
SMARMY'S
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Esopus Creek Dinner Theatre

Thurs, Fri  Sat, Sun.

COCKTAILS: 6:00 PM

DINNER: 6:15 PM

CURTAIN: 8:00 PM

PRICE (per pers): $62.50 + Tax

"Rule a Wife, and have a Wife" by Beaumont & Fletcher (pub.1647)
 

By Constance Bandacoot

Directed by Millburn Cosgrove, known for his break-even smash film "Daniel & Rhonda's Big Middle East Adventure" - adapted from a George Eliot novel of not even close to the same name - Rule a Wife' is a comedy of sorts with two well conceived interwoven plots about people lying about who they are and what they have.

Wealthy Donna Margarita seeks a pliable husband for a marriage to cover her amorous affairs, and her maid, Estifania, dupes (into marriage) a military officer who pretends to be wealthy, by pretending she is also wealthy.

It is likely that this was thought to be a satisfactory production choice for the mix in attendance.

Good thing there was dinner.

The Specials

One of the specials, called the "The Charlotte," consisted of a small trout folded and cooked in an herb-crust covered ramekin. The trout is served in the ramekin accompanied by wild rice escargot and a string beans compote. The server is suppose to slit the edge of crust and the trout should then spring gently out onto the plate.

It was evident from our visit at the premiere, that dinner with a Charlotte on the menu was going to be a bit of cabaret. The servers were apparently unaware of the cooked trout's restive nature, since in many instances, upon opening the crust, the trout emerged with the force of chipmunk fleeing a sumo wrestler's thong. Indeed, at a table next to us an elderly woman was flung over her chair landing with just the fish tail emerging from her mouth, which then had to be gently pried from her dentures, without causing further embarrassment. Other patrons leaned out of the way, thus allowing guests at nearby tables to sample parts of a dish they had not ordered, although the tasting was often from their clothes.

Fortunately, by the time the tenth Charlotte was served, the creator, chef J.C. "Loose Rocket" Pandoga (formerly of Marcel's-by-the-Sea, Peekamoose), demonstrated the proper serving technique to subdued applause amid a chorus of complaints along the lines of "You'll be getting my cleaning bill, dough boy."

I must admit, the bit of trout I sampled from my hair was quite delicious, and the herb crust was flaky and fragrant with thyme and catnip.

For my main course, I chose that day's special, Osso Buco Lite, which consisted of the very thin shanks of something that at one point might have had claws, but nonetheless, it was delicious, well braised with vegetables, white wine and broth, garnished with gremolata (chopped garlic, parsley, and lemon zest), and served with the traditional risotto alla milanese.

Desserts offered were simple and eclectic:

• Apple Crumb Betty Ford, liberally infused with Cointreau
• Honshu brand red bean ice cream, drizzled with chocolate colored Beeno
• Sea Bass Eye sorbet

I sampled a Betty' with an anisette chaser, all of which made the play almost dream-like, at least until the singing started. My guest sampled the ice cream - twice, which seemingly contributed to her disappointment with the performance - I noted that she rose dramatically out of her chair several times as if to leave.

"Rule a Wife, and have a Wife"

It seems clear that the dinner theatre's location also had some influence upon the choice of play:

Clara:  What, have you caught him?

Estifania:  Yes.
...
Clara:  Hast thou married him?

Estifania:  What dost thou think I fish without a bait wench?
                I bob for fools? He is mine own, I have him,
                I told thee what would tickle him like a trout,
                And as I cast it so I caught him daintily,
                And all he has I have 'stowed at my devotion.

This is not to suggest that all the play's lines are as inviting as the above. Being familiar with the play via Guternberg.org, I was turning pages quickly in my head hoping to speed to the conclusion. Unfortunately, the performers didn't keep the same pace, and my anticipation of relief was eventually drowned out by the interjection of contemporary music "played" by a costumed "troubadour" standing just off-stage with a lute and amped iPod. He was intended either to keep the slow-witted informed, or the rest of the audience from turning sullen. Unfortunately, the continual playing of the chorus of the Pixie's "Here Comes Your Man," each time the play called for a male to enter the room to speak with a woman was more annoying than instructive, and the use of Sinatra's "The Lady Is A Tramp," when women were required to enter, was just plain insulting. Moreover, the use of Mountain's "Theme From An Imaginary Western" bleating on about dust and wagon trains was really misplaced.

However, the use of one of my favorites by The Shins - "Caring is Creepy" - summed up the evening nicely.

Enjoy.