Senior Adult Entertainment Biz Flourishes Along Rte 209

By Bianca Cavendish

Not far off Route 209, in Ulster County, nestled in abbreviated foliage at the end of a gravel road is the converted barn of Rex Tremble, a part of the burgeoning senior adult entertainment business located in the Ulster to Milford, Pennsylvania corridor.

GvJ:  That's not your real name?

RT:  No, I adopted that because I was so excited to be in the industry at my age - 76 when I started - but now I just get a lot of chills, so the name fits.

GvJ:  Now before we discuss your relationship as a performer with Lividity Entertainment, we understand you offer a private escort service - essentially just yourself is that correct?

RT:   No, it's a private reading service. I offer to read rousing articles or stories to politically or religious conservative women. That's generally my client base. To enhance the experience, I frequently dramatize it by assuming the role of the speaker, or some other character, as they might reveal themselves in their more intimate moments. Even one of our Founding Fathers, Ben Franklin, had some interesting insights on this very topic.

GvJ:  And they go for that? I mean, what kinds of stories - stuff with ripped bodices, bad boys with six pack abs?

RT:   Well, the 1994 Republican Contract with America was popular for awhile, as was Ruby on Rails: The Code of Destiny, but lately I been have dramatizing the Scarlet Letter and Pride, Prejudice, Zombies and Newt - it's a new release. Newt Gingrich helps Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley fight off the ungrateful poor, who are demonized as zombies so it's easier to get rid of them, and not upset the Bennet sisters, who Newt has his eye on.

GvJ:  Which one? There are three or four sisters.

RT:  All of them actually, as long as they don't get sick.

GvJ:  So, you dress up for these types of dramas?

RT:  Yes, but not for long. If the client is kind of WASPy sometimes it's a preacher/business suit with an extra pair of pants. I call that "the slow book of revelations," or sometimes it's nothing but arabic language crime scene tape - for a bit of spice, so to speak. Depends on the situation.

GvJ:  OK, so do you use any performance enhancements like...

RT:  Absolutely not. I do use an all natural drink made from turnips, wild ginseng, and Mediterranean squid ink. It's wonderful. Even the Greek poetess Sappho called one of her lovers turnip in a poem called Turnip Eroticus, I think. Anyway, it's a potent concoction. The only down side is that it occasionally gives a green to purple color cast to my flanges. You know?

GvJ:  Not exactly, and I'd like to keep it that way. So, some of these clients must be up there in years. You must lose a few now and then - naturally, of course.

RT:  Yes, it happens. When the end is possibly near I'd like the client to leave earth on a high note, so if a (air quotes gesture) "relationship" has developed, I might suggest that a token of appreciation be left in her will.

GvJ:  How's that working out for you?

RT:  Well, in these economic times - greedy children and all - I recently received a '56 Rambler station wagon though - in pristine condition. Sweet.

GvJ:  For somebody anyway. So, with respect to some of these productions you've been in, are they full length? Do they have a lot of production values?

RT:  Well, due to diminishing attention spans, nap times, doctor appointments, early bird specials, bed checks, we keep it within 15 to 20 minutes.

GvJ:  What, like a 20 minute "Done in 60 Seconds" or "Rise of the Planet of the Nookie"?

RT:  More like "Hays Code Drive-In Ballroom," which takes place in a 1931 Ford Woody at the first drive-in at Pennsauken, New Jersey. In line with that production code, I had to keep the engine running and one foot on the back bumper at all times. Later, I'm beaten in the parking lot by a nun for being a cad and a bounder, and then sent to girls' reform school. Yes, I know what you might be thinking, that kind of incarceration might seem excessive by today's standards, but this is real hard-edge 1930's stuff.

GvJ:  Actually, I wasn't thinking that. I was wondering when does the entertainment part come in - adult or otherwise?

RT:  OK, well, we couldn't show the reform school scenes because, well, I look too old. Come to think about it, the whole idea does seem a bit of a stretch.

GvJ:  Ah, you think? Who directed this?

RT:  My nephew. He was an intern on iCarly.

GvJ:  Wait, I thought you were some kind of erotic performer for Lividity Entertainment?

RT:  Well, I am a performer, but they're a medical media company mostly charged with dramatizing the perils of government assisted health care. So, I'm in scenes like where I appear for 10 seconds before a death panel, and, of course, I'm denied treatment. And later I show up at a family gathering as a corpse.

GvJ:  That's it?

RT:  Sometimes I'm buried at sea.

GvJ:  Bye, I'm out of here.