Pronunciation Guide (spy station version)
Welcome to Gunkville Journal
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The 7th annual D & H Canal Reenactors Society event will take place in Cragsmoor on July 4, 2023 at 5 PM. Last year's event had to be cancelled again due to new-woman's issues and wrinkled staff.
Local historian Harriet Blemesh (formerly Harry Blemish) will narrate a moving tableau about "Soiled Doves of the Tow Path,” who will be portrayed by a group of Society members who call themselves The Tow Path Players (with Gowns).
Canal-era refreshments will include hardtack, perch jerky, meat and gravy-only pies, carrot slappie, rosemary-quince custard tarts, estate-bottled vintage cider, and Brita-filtered Canal Lock 50 water.
The High Falls Fire District will be sponsoring a "Fall Off A Turnip Truck" ride as part of the Fourth of July celebrations. Open to men and women ages 18 - 75, the rider will have the option of using an automated timed eject mechanism set to the rider's preference, or, alternatively, being pushed off by a robust 9 year-old girl. Potential riders will be required to execute a waiver of liability; however, all riders will be bandaged, if required, and will receive a complementary glass of fruit-like juice; and, will be welcome to any produce, which accompanied him / her on the descent to "tarmac city."
All fallen men and women will receive a numbered Certificate of Authenticity attesting to his or her ejectment, suitable as documentation when responding to a wiseacre's inferences as to one's intelligence or gullibility. "Heh, do I look like I fell off a turnip truck? Well, I did, and I have certificate to prove it. What do you have?"